Tomorrow is Day 1

Tomorrow Birth to 3 is coming, and I am grateful for that, and thinking. First of all, I have to say that I caved. I wrote awhile back about choosing a provider and wanting to do Floortime and comparing it to chemo vs. alternative medicine and all that, and in the end I caved. I chose the "chemo" treatment. Meaning, I chose the proven stuff that I'm just praying will not break his spirit: ABA therapy. This does not mean I'm not in love with the idea of Floortime, of following my child's lead, and working to make an emotional connection with him rather than just getting him to perform desirable behaviors by providing him with rewards. No, I think the Floortime people are really onto something. It's that I couldn't handle how it was being presented through the Birth to 3 program that was offering it.

They always say trust your instinct. This was hard because my instinct told me the concept was great but the way it was being administrated, through this provider called Kaleidoscope, was not so great. If only I could describe the feeling I got while talking/planning with them. Let's call it the feeling I got walking into any government office in Springfield. Let's talk about Commerce High vs. Central back when I was a teenager. There was this feeling of mediocrity and low expectations. That's not exactly right. There was just some disorganization and the way they approached things made me feel as if there'd be a lot of playing, art and music going on, but would Ethan learn anything he needs to know in the real world?? And while he's still so young and he needs time to just be a kid, he also needs more direction and help with life skills than the average kid. So here we go tomorrow, with Creative Interventions, a program based out of Granby that comes highly recommended.

If I believed in mantras, I think mine would be this: "Love him for who he is, but help him to be all God called him to be." I need to remember that. I need to remind myself of that, again and again and again. That, and that he's not mine. How many times have I heard people say that? Our children are not ours; they are only on loan to us for awhile. If I know that, then I remember to let go of the burden that sometimes wants to load itself on my back: that I have to somehow find a way to fix everything. I've attempted to carry that kind of load all of my life. It's time to let it go. There comes a time, I'm learning, when our eyes open and we see that the sense of control we have is really an elaborate illusion. And that can be the beginning of our freedom.