Just a Few Little Snippets

Just a few little things to make note of today, as I'm supposed to be cleaning (yea!) and exercising (yea!). I figured blogging was at least a bit more productive than playing Geo Challenge on Facebook (although the game is considerably increasing my world geography skills).

Anyway, last night was bad. Bleck. I won't go into it. Let's just say that I am learning more than ever that I am an emotional being who has let emotions rule for too long. Emotions are not bad in and of themselves, and there are times they are meant to be expressed. But I befriend my emotions; idolize them; entertain them; let them drive and rule much of what I do. The time for that needs to draw to a close. I need my energy! I need my joy! I can't be sapped of my strength because of my thoughts.

So, we were in the car today and having fun, Ethan and I. I've invented a little game, thanks in part to the suggestions on my wonderful autismgames.org site that I've mentioned (with kids on the autism spectrum, include some repetition and make it fairly predictable, and you're golden!). So in the car I made up a little I Spy Game. Basically I say, "Mama, Mama, what do you see? I see a _____ looking at me" (mentioning something right in our line of sight). Then do the same thing with Ethan. The great thing is that he gets it! This means a lot when I long to have a conversation with my little guy. A game can be a conversation. So I'll say, "Mama, mama, what do you see? I see a truck staring at me?" It has to be something right in front of us. Then I'll ask "Ethan, Ethan what do you see?" Right now his answers are rather limited (car/light/cloud, maybe a few more), but he's playing! We're doing a back and forth. When we drove past Anna's school, he filled in school, and when I told him Anna was in there, he said "Bye Nana."

I have been blessed with a gift of never again taking a skill my child learns for granted. I know that now. I didn't even realize how much I've learned to just talk to Ethan and assume he won't answer me. Oh, I've always HOPED he will answer, but after awhile, I stopped literally waiting for it. I usually just keep talking, knowing that there's a part of him that's taking it all in, even if he doesn't answer. I can't wait for the day when I ask him: "Did you have a good time outside? (Or at Gramma's? Or in the church nursery?) and he says "Yes!" Or "No!" I just want him to talk to me...and for now, I'll take something like a little game in the car.

That and the "mama." You know, when Anna was little I thought she'd taken forever to say "mama." She was a huge talker (had about 20 words at 1 year and 75 or more by 18 months) but for some reason would not call for mama until she was 16 months old. Well, Ethan is 27 months old now and just started calling me mom. It's true music to my ears. I could hear him say mom forever. I honestly think I could hear him whine it again and again. Maybe I wrote about this before, I don't know. I'm just still relishing it. And while there is a part of me that wishes these things weren't so slow in coming, there is another part that is just so grateful that they are coming bit by bit. Sometimes with Anna (even now, like with reading) it's like she learns so quickly that it happened with no effort, with almost no notice. Suddenly she could just talk, and it was as if she'd always been that way. With Ethan, I learn to appreciate more as things slowly unfold. It reminds me of an old song by Sara Groves that I love, called "Painting Pictures of Egypt" that parallels her own path in life to the Israelites struggling in their journey through the desert to the promised land. It ends with this:

If it comes too quick, I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
If it comes too quick, I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?