Hugs

We always attend church the second service on Sunday mornings, which is very packed and full of kids of all ages. About a year ago I'd notice some kids with their parents in the back during worship, waving flags and dancing about, clapping their hands, all of that stuff in a nice out-of-the-way space that wasn't as confined as being squished in the rows of seats. About then I noticed the youngest one was a little boy a month older than Ethan (he would've been about 19 months) and couldn't fathom Ethan doing that, standing in one place holding a flag. During worship (which is rather non-traditional, to say the least) he would often want to be held the whole time, burying his head in my shoulder. I think it was sensory overload.

Fast-forward to three weeks ago. We got to church late and there were absolutely no seats. We happened to be standing near the back "kids" area looking for some when suddenly I noticed Ethan taking great interest in the kids and the flags. Anna saw some of her girlie friends and was interested, too. So while Dan found a couple of seats for he and I to sit in for the sermon, I got flags for the kids and for the first time, we worshipped in the back together. Anna held hands with her friends and danced in circles (kind of more playing than worshipping, but at least she's participating) while Ethan waved his flag and clapped. He didn't try to run down the aisles. He clapped his hands when the music swelled. He moved and swayed at those same parts that move me. Music is such a big part of me and I can see that it overtakes him similarly; Dan and Anna are not affected in the same way.

And so for the past three weeks we've been in the back...Anna and Hannah and Chloe and Jordan and Taylor and Joshua...and Ethan. He went back there in his own time, but he's doing it! I love to whisper in his ear about the different instruments, and about God. The God stuff, I don't know what he understands -- but perhaps there is a part of him that does understand.

Lately Ethan's been doing a lot of hugging. He's always liked hugs but usually from mom. I love giving him hugs, and usually he asks for hugs just because he wants a hug. Sometimes there is a sensory component -- it's more that he wants a tight squeeze, really -- and sometimes it's a little repetitive (like he gets "stuck" and doesn't know what to do except say, "hug?"). But usually it's just straight from that little heart of his.

Today during worship as I was holding him for a bit and singing he kept looking at Anna and her friends and going "Anna! Hug!" I let him down and he gave her a quick one and once I picked him back up he started asking again. I wondered if this was some sort of game or repetitive thing so I told him to wait for awhile and then he could give her another one. After a few minutes, he was looking longingly and asking again, so I let him go over again.

Ethan gave Anna the biggest and longest hug I'd ever seen, in the midst of the music. He stopped her dance and just wrapped his arms around her. The funny thing was that he didn't let go, for at least two minutes. Meanwhile Anna's little friends stood all around him, looking at him lovingly, smoothing his sweaty curls, smiling sweetly, as he hugged his sister. All around, people worshipped. Love swirled around that place, in a way that I couldn't quite describe but found to be wonderfully sweet.