Words vs. Communication

So, Ethan has a new speech therapist he's seeing on an outpatient basis, and she's great. She asked a few weeks ago for me to do an inventory of all of Ethan's words. It took me an hour and when I was done, I had a list of almost 250. He has many two word phrases as well and has produced a few three or four-word phrases, too.

I stared at that list and felt a mixture of feelings. One was joy at how much his vocabulary has exploded. Nearly 250 words! This after being at maybe 35 when we started, and no word combinations. I remember asking the therapists if Ethan would talk. I was still worried about that when we started. Now I know my boy can and will talk. He already is more verbal than my brother, who is 28 years old. That is a sobering thought, truly. But it also helps me to see how different Ethan and Andy are and how completely varied autism can be.

And so I marveled at the length of the list and everything he's picked up, and at the same time I felt frustration, mixed with a lightbulb on kind of moment. There it was, all laid out in front of me. Ethan has quintupled his words. But words are NOT communication. Or maybe I mean, they are just one part of communication. He's labeling things, he's using words to get his needs met, for sure. That is wonderful and I'm so grateful! But having words does not make him social and does not mean he particularly likes to share his experiences with the rest of us.

These are things I never would have realized about communication, if I hadn't seen Ethan living this out. It's just like play, and joint attention. The social aspect of our lives and learning is so complex, yet we don't appreciate it, and don't even notice the leaps our neurotypical kids are making effortlessly. Things like imitation...reciprocating back and forth...having the inner desire to want to point out something to your parent or to show off a toy that you love. Anna did these things and I had no inkling really, of what she was actually accomplishing.

And so where do we go from here? I'm not exactly sure, but some of the pieces are falling into place in my mind. I know I want to focus not so much on him learning specifics as making a connection. I know we can't spend all of our time in therapy and need some real life experiences to broaden Ethan's world. I'm grateful it's summertime and Anna is home because she is one of Ethan's greatest teachers without even trying. I know we need to play more because really, play is how kids learn. I am not really a naturally playful person. With Ethan, I get the greatest chance of my life to leap in and approach the world as a child again, to go back to each of those little steps that Anna leaped over and, in time, savor. every. one.