Tuesday, September 13, 2011

6 Moments that Made Me Want to Yell and Laugh

I going to title this post "Pee Waterfalls and Poopy Roads," but I didn't know how well that would go over.

I've been mired in a deep sea of introspection lately and really could use a humor break. You know you've been thinking too much when you catch yourself outwardly nodding your head as you relive a conversation you had with someone a few days prior. Thank God I was in my kitchen, alone.

A couple days ago I was thinking of those moments with your kids that initially make you want to cry or scream, but you later end up laughing over. I know for my mom two big ones on the list had to be me and my friend sailing boats in the toilet, and the time I used a ball of yarn to create a spider web in my room, and subsequently ended up trapping myself in a corner and having to call for help. Neither of our kids is especially devious or mischievous, but they've had their moments. These are a few that come to mind. I find it either amusing or troubling that most of these involve bodily functions or the bathroom in some way, shape or form:

1. Ironically, since it's so often talked about in relation to kids on spectrum, it was Anna who enjoyed playing with the contents of her dirty diaper for a brief time when she was between 1 1/2 and 2. One day I came up to retrieve her after naptime and found it everywhere. My daughter was essentially fingerpainting with poo. When I walked in she was spreading a very dark path down along the crib railing. "Look mommy!" she announced with glee. "I made a poopy road!"

2. During potty training, Ethan had an accident in his underwear. I put the soiled pair in the toilet to soak for just a moment and turned to wash my hands. Ethan, attempting to be helpful, then flushed the toilet. We never saw those undies again. I hope they are not lodged in a pipe somewhere, ready to wreak havoc with our plumbing at a later date.

3. Last week I heard Ethan washing his hands in the bathroom for an unnaturally long time. This can't be good, I thought, and went in to check on him. I found the entire floor and walls soaked and dripping. He'd been putting his hands under the water blasting from the faucet, forcing it all over the place. "Look mom! I made a sprinkle tower!" he announced. Thank you, Better Not Get Wet, Jesse Bear. Ethan was indulging his current extreme interest in hoses and shooting water to the ends of the earth.

4. When Anna was about three she was playing with My Little Ponies while I was making sauce from fresh tomatoes. My hands were covered with goopey tomato contents and I was quite mired in the process. I knew Anna had one other pony with her batch of My Little Ponies, a brown one with shaggy hair we'd gotten from Target that we called "Pony Daddy." I also knew it was very quiet in the other room where she was playing. "How's it going in there?" I called out to her. "You just focus on making the sauce," she answered. That was cause for alarm. I washed my hands and peered around the corner. She had the scissors in her hand and was hacking away at Pony Daddy's hair. "He needed a haircut," she explained. "He's a boy."

5/6. Ethan was upstairs recently alone for a bit of time, in our bedroom, of all places. You know how this is not usually a good thing. "What are you doing up there?" I called. "I'm going to make a waterfall," he answered. "With what?" "With my penis," he answered (sorry for that, but that's just how he said it). In two seconds I was up the stairs, deciding that this was indeed the perfect time to start teaching Ethan how to pee standing up. Right around the same time as the pee waterfall, Ethan starting unraveling most of the toilet paper off the roll and letting it all cascade onto the floor when he'd make trip to the bathroom. I understood why when he announced, "I made a big waterfall!" proudly one day. And it's true. It DID kind of look like a waterfall. I had to give him points for creativity.


Brian@bothsidesofthecoin said...

Yeah! Now this is perfect! This is how to get a guy to comment.

truthinlove said...

I loved reading this. It made my life seem normal. I especially loved the, "You just keep making the sauce" comment. Ha ha Elisha says, "Don't see me" and I know I'm in trouble.

Deb said...

I try to be real and transparent because I've found when other people do, I have that same sense of relief thand comfort that everyone goes through stuff, funny or not so much! :)

Anonymous said...

love it! thanks for the smiles! i must say my favorite is imagining you trapped in a spider web of yarn. no wonder your kiddos are so creative!