Finding the Best (Not Perfect) Option

The calendar has flipped to September, Halloween and (dare I say it?) Christmas items are stocked on store shelves, and last week we sent two kids off to school...and one to school at home.

Yes. It's almost shocking to admit it, but we are homeschooling Anna this year.

Why do I say shocking? I have nothing against homeschooling. I know many, many homeschooling parents. Many of them are natural born teachers...the type of people who seem infinitely curious and love thinking of projects and crafts and new way to explore subjects. That's not me. I do, however, still love the feeling of cracking open brand new school books. And, I'm willing. That's what we have to work with here.

But I need to back up. Way up. People homeschool for many reasons. The educational choices we make for our kids reflect our values. Sometimes, our fears. Our desires to meet their individual needs.

As a kid, I had an eclectic mix of schooling. My Christian upbringing played key a role in this. I had an on and off mix of Christian and public school education. There were pros and cons to each. I didn't know any homeschoolers back then. Even in Christian circles, homeschooling was kind of "out there;" sort of earthy-crunchy.

Looking back at my education, I've always known there were very real drawbacks and benefits to both public and Christian school. My Christian education was sometimes sorely lacking. Some curriculums were weak; extracurricular activities were nearly nonexistent. And one school's forms of punishment and approach to the Bible may have done more to harm kids' faith than help it. Likewise my public school experience had drawbacks. Classes were taught from a worldview that sometimes conflicted with my faith. There were times the atmosphere was close to scary. Kids were exceedingly cruel. Worst was the feeling I sometimes had that my teachers were lost, hopeless, and unable to help me through some bullying situations.

All of these things swirled in my mind when Anna was little and we had to make a decision about her schooling. Dan had grown up in public schools and didn't feel as strongly about the issue as I did. But after hearing horror stories from a friend who at the time taught at an elementary school in town, I felt fairly strongly -- we would start Anna in Christian school. It helped that we had a school just down the street. And so she began pre-K and continued there through elementary school.

Then Ethan came along, and things were very different. Having an autism diagnosis meant, at least at the beginning, Anna's school was not in the picture. Instead, the moment he turned three and graduated out of the Birth to 3 program, he fell under the auspices of the public school system and the special services he needed that they could provide.

So we started in the public school system, not by choice -- and in the process I discovered a really wonderful group of both teachers and parents. The schools weren't perfect. But we had many more good experiences than bad ones, and problems were always quickly addressed, and for the most part, rectified. Beyond that, one thing I loved about the public school was feeling like I was a part of the town. Anna's school had many out of towners and just wasn't the same. I would go to Ethan's school and see the same people I'd run into at the grocery store or the town green. Since Anna had never been involved in town sports, we'd lived in the area for 5 years, but I felt as if I knew no one. When Ethan started school, that changed.

Watching both of the kids go through school helped me see very clearly the different arguments that are out there in the Christian world and to better understand each side. Yes, our job is to raise our kids in our faith; to protect and nurture them. At the same time, Christians can't live inside a walled fortress. We have to be careful to not develop an "us vs. them" mentality; to think that if we just sanitize our kids from all corruption, everything will be fine. There must be room to be a part of a community, to shine God's light and love in our everyday encounters.

Ethan went on through public school, and Anna went to Christian school until we realized her school was closing for the upper grades and it would be best to start her in public school right at the beginning of middle school when everyone else was new, too. And so we did. And things went okay...for awhile.

I can't violate my 13-year-old's privacy by getting into details, but let's just say that by the end of this year for numbers of reasons we began to see that public school, at least at this time, was not working out well for Anna. And so we delved into our options, including homeschooling, and confronted all of the issues and assumptions that come with it.

In the process of research (and my connections with homeschooling families) I came to understand that the homeschooling world today is a far cry from what it might have been 30 years ago; that the internet is an amazing tool; and that there are so many resources and social opportunities out there for homeschooled kids. I also again realized that it isn't a perfect solution. That there will still be times when we may not be feeling as if Anna's needs are being met. And it is a juggle on my part, with the freelance work I do as well. But we've taken the plunge. So far, so good.

What does this mean for down the road? Will we continue to homeschool Anna? Will we find another private school or at some point return to public? What about Chloe and Ethan? I am not quite sure.

What I'm learning through all of this is something I've always believed, deep down, but have seen played out before my eyes. There is no perfect answer for the best way to help our kids. There's just the BEST option. And that can change -- from child to child, from year to year. We can't let ourselves get stuck in boxes. We also can't let ourselves become distracted by others' opinions and decisions. What works for one child or one family may not for another. We can't be ruled by fear but also can't bury our heads in the sand. We've got to entrust our kids to God but also take on responsibility for having them in the best environment for them in any given year.

We can plan, but we can also leave our options open. Never say "never"...and never say "always." We can learn to live with the truth that we can do everything we can as parents, and our kids will still make their own choices. But that doesn't mean we set them up to fail.

For those of us who like clear-cut paths and grand plans, this can be a little difficult. But this is life. So we jump in -- to this year. And learn to live in THIS moment: knowing that for any of our kids, it may look very different from the year after that one...or the next...or the next.